Pole Kitten Diaries: Doubts and Unexpected Progress

I didn’t feel like going to class.

I attended on a Monday and had more doubt in me than the usual anxiety I get before attending class. I didn’t do so well during the last one. So this time, on my way to the studio, I was starting to think twice about pole and considered if I should try aerial silks instead. But since there’s no turning back now, I decided to roll up all my doubts and toss it aside for the moment since class was about to start; although I still had a heavy feeling inside as I waited anxiously for the elevator to reach the 22nd floor.

In the studio, students were busy with the upcoming dance recital, Stellar. I arrived with the aerial Hoop class still ongoing. They were wearing their costumes for the recital. I thought to myself if I would ever give the recital a try since I’ve been to all the recitals; not as a performer but as part of the Front of House. I never entertained the idea. I always said I’d never do it. Or maybe I haven’t put much thought into it. But I don’t know. We’ll see. As for now, it’s time to attend class.

For today’s lesson, we focused on lines. Teacher Vicky explained to us that when we do our tricks on the pole, we should be mindful of our lines; how our arm should be aligned with our leg and torso, or how we should lock our knees and ankles on the pole; and ofcourse, keep those toes pointed. With any trick or pose that we do, Teacher Vicky showed us how at all times, we should always squeeze our legs together to keep ourselves mounted on the pole. But what surprised me a lot was how this time around, it didn’t feel as painful. I found things that I couldn’t do from the last class easier this time—even hooking that elbow on the pole.

I tried to recall all the things that had me worried in the beginning, and realized I’ve forgotten about them already since they didn’t make any sense anyway. I realized that there’s no true failure when you learn. Rather, it’s a process; a progression. And doubt is something that should never stop you nor slow you down. I felt silly inside entertaining ideas of quitting and trying something else just because I found it challenging. But nothing comes easy at the beginning. It’s all about baby steps. Slowly but surely you’ll get there. I remember losing all my doubtful thoughts when I decided to take a breath and just get it done. And my body surprised me every single time. I know my lines aren’t even perfect just yet; but I have a feeling I’ll get there somehow.

I guess it’s normal to get overwhelmed when you step into unfamiliar paths. But it’s part of the adventure: The anxious feeling you have before you try out new things, the challenges you face, your limitations, and even the mistakes. But the exciting part is how your body will surprise you every single time. As you go by, you discover how your body is capable of far more than you ever knew or imagined; and how strong you truly are. And that’s the part I love the most — everything is an endless discovery.

I came home from class with thoughts far different from those I had beforehand. Accomplished and so much hopeful, I headed home thinking of my next class ahead. ❤




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